Alternate Movie History Part I: Worst Working Titles

In a town called Big Whiskey, an old, grizzled angel-of-death cowboy walks into a bar and unleashes hell on its patrons as he decimates an entire gang of wrongdoers.

He exits the bar, and in the pouring rain, he warns the rest of the town:

"You better bury Ned right! Better not go cuttin' up, nor otherwise harm no whores. Or I'll come back and kill every one of you sons-o-bitches."

This is a scene from Clint Eastwood's Western masterpiece. Perhaps you've heard of it, it's called...

..."The Cut Whore Killings" (1992).

What? The Cut Whore What?

You got it right, "The Cut Whore Killings", at least, that's what David Webb Peoples (screewriter) originally titled the film.

We all know it better as "Unforgiven" (1992).

Thank God. And Clint, for that matter.

Imagine seeing the trailer for this film back in 1992. Everyone in the audience is jazzed, Clint is back as a cowboy, this Western looks dark and brooding, this looks unbelievable, and then...

..."The Cut Whore Killings" title card splashes across the screen.

Cue "collective audience groan" sound-effect.

This is not the first time filmmakers made the correct decision regarding Working Titles.

There is a long, brutal history of downright terrible titles that almost made it to the silver screen near you.

Let's see if you recognize this movie...

A spaceship crew is eating dinner around a table in a mess-hall. They are cracking jokes between one another.

One of the crewman's laugh turns into a choking noise. The other members of the crew laugh even louder.

The choking crewman is now violently gagging and holding his chest. The others try to the restrain the man, thinking that he might be experiencing a cardiac arrest.

Suddenly, a burst of blood explodes from the crewman's chest. He falls onto the table and a vicious-looking alien crawls out of his torso and scampers away.

Remember that scene? How can anyone forget it. Of course, it's from Ridley Scott's Sci-Fi/Horror masterpiece...

..."Star Beast" (1979).

Yep. "Star Beast."

In space, no one can hear you scream.

And with a title like that, no one would be in the audience to scream either.

Good thing Mr. Scott and the Producers came up with the title, "Alien" (1979).

How about some of these famous quote and their NOT so famous Working Titles...

-"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

"Everbody Comes to Rick's" (1942), aka, "Casablanca."

-"I'm not mad, I'm proud of you. You took your first pinch like a man and you learn two great things in your life. Look at me, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut."

"Wiseguy" (1990), aka, "Goodfellas."

-"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

"How the Solar System Was Won" (1968), aka, "2001: A Space Odyssey."

-"You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Charley."

"The Hook" (1954), aka, "On the Waterfront."

-"Snap out of it!"

"The Bride and the Wolf" (1987), aka, "Moonstruck."

Okay, pop quiz hot shot...

...Which film won Best Picture at the 2007 Academy Awards?

That would be "Infernal Affairs" (2006), aka, "The Departed."

...Which film is generally regarded as Hitchcock's best film?

"From Among the Dead" (1958), aka, "Vertigo."

...Which film is known as the first Film Noir masterpiece?

"The Gent from Frisco" (1941), aka, "The Maltese Falcon."

...Which Billy Wilder film is considered one of the best comedies of all-time?

"Not Tonight, Josephine!" (1959), aka, "Some Like It Hot."

...Which film was AFI's original #1 film?

"The American", aka, "Citizen Kane."

The following films listed below have garnered an Honorable Mention as the Worst Working Titles EVER.

Enjoy!

-"Black Mask" (1994), aka, "Pulp Fiction."
-"The Greatest Gift" (1946), aka, "It's a Wonderful Life."
-"Oil!" (2007), aka, "There Will Be Blood."
-"The Man Who Came to Play" (1978), aka, "The Deer Hunter."
-"Rope Burns" (2004), aka, "Million Dollar Baby."
-"La Bella Confusione" (1963), aka, "8 1/2."
-"The Body" (1986), aka, "Stand By Me."
-"King of the Jungle" (1994), aka, "The Lion King."
-"Glory for Me" (1946), aka, "The Best Years of Our Lives."
-"Blood and Guts" (1970), aka, "Patton."
-"Watch the Skies" (1977), aka, "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."
-"Dead Right" (1971), aka, "Dirty Harry."
-"The Human Interest Story" (1951), aka, "Ace in the Hole."
-"A Boy's Life" (1982), aka, "E.T."
-"Would I Lie to You?" (1982), aka, "Tootsie."
-"Shoeless Joe" (1989), aka, "Field of Dreams."