Production Predictions: "The Hobbit" (2011)

Unfortunately mislabeled under the "Juvenile Fiction" tag for a long time, "The Hobbit" is a dark, brooding book when read with Peter Jackson's LOTR Trilogy in mind.

Here is my prediction about how Peter Jackson, and more importantly Director Guillermo Del Toro, are going to tackle the adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit."

"The Hobbit" will be Chapters 1 through 8.

"The Hobbit: Part II" will be chapters 9 through 19, plus an added epilogue, bridging the gap between "The Hobbit" and "Fellowship of the Ring."

How do I know that? If I know Peter Jackson, LOTR, and film, I know that Jackson cannot resist splitting the films at the end of Chapter 8.

Here's why.

After the climactic battle sequence in the Spider Lair of Mirkwood, after what should be an amazing cinematic sequence (imagine the Shelob sequence in "Return of the King" times 50 more spiders), the characters need a much deserved rest as they attempt to get back on the trail. Thorin Oakenshield has been captured by the Elven King in Mirkwood. The fellowship, for a lack of a better word, has been broken.

Bilbo, the protagonist of the story, finally emerges as the unlikely hero as he slays a spider with his sword (who he calls "Sting") and frees the dwarves from bondage of the rest of the spiders. He has done something brave. He has done something heroic.

Thorin is now out of the picture and the Dwarves look to Bilbo for leadership.

Balin (a dwarf), as if he is possessed by Gollum, starts speaking in his voice and says...

"Gollum! Well I'm blest! So that's how he sneaked past me is it? Buttons all over the doorstep! Good old Bilbo--Bilbo--Bilbo--bo--bo--bo..."

Cut to Black. Cue Credits. To Be Continued...(Much like the end of "The Two Towers").

Also, as Tolkien even says at the end of Chapter 8, "...but that belongs to the next chapter and the beginning of another adventure in which the hobbit again showed his usefullness."

What else will we see in "The Hobbit"?

Well, for one thing, you will see another storyline involving Gandalf. In the novel, Gandalf conveniently disappears, and reappears througout the narrative.

That is going to change. For one thing, you will see Gandalf's disappearences be explained. He is going off on a search quest. A shadow is lingering in the East. He has been summoned to the Second White Council. Where we will once again see Elrond, Galadriel, and Saruman. He is finding clues about someone called The Necromancer (I won't spoil it for you). Hint, hint, you may see a quick image of the rebuilding of the Dark Tower of Barad-dur (just like the half-completed Death Star in Jedi).

Adaptation Issues:

1) The Dwarves. Cut them down from 13 to 4 or possibly 5. It is comical (and not in a good way) to see 13 dwarves come through Bilbo's door (ONE-BY-ONE) in the opening of the film. It doesn't fit unless you are going to revert back to the Juvenile Fiction tag. I know, some fans out there may call it sacrilege to not include all 13 Dwarves, just like they were blowing hot-air over the fact that Peter Jackson did not include Tom Bombadil in Fellowship, but they'll get over it. Keep the Dwarves that matter: Thorin, Balin, Gloin, Bombur, and Dwalin.

Bifur, Bofur, Dori, Nori, Ori, Fili, Kili, & Oin (I'm not making these names up) can be seen in the Extended Edition to make everyone happy.

2) Take away Smaug's ability to speak! I know, I'm just defiling the whole book now. But the alternative is a speaking Dragon. Okay. That is lame. Like Sean-Connery-Dragonheart-lame. I know that the riddle between Smaug and Bilbo is critical to the story, but, you have to kill your darlings here. Keep the riddle-game between Bilbo and Gollum. Axe Smaug/Bilbo.

3) The Battle of the Five Armies. This is not actually an issue but it is going to be awesome. Combine the Battle of Pelennor Fields and The Battle of Helm's Deep and make it an epic, half-hour, Saving-Private-Ryan-D-Day-esque bloodbath.

4) The Title: "The Hobbit 2", to quote Lee Donowitz from "True Romance", when asking Elliot Blitzer what they plan on calling the sequel to "Coming Home in a Body Bag" (while watching the dailies of the film)...

Lee: What does Joe like?
Elliot: Um...”Body Bags 2".
Lee: Oooo, that's imaginative. I've got more taste in my penis.

"The Hobbit: Part II". Just like "The Godfather Part II."

I'm really looking forward to this film and I hope the collab-combo of Del Toro and Jackson will make it a classic.